Friday, July 23, 2010

Self-Conscious

It was instantaneous.  Swiftly a deep awareness of self swept over the human conscience.  Very suddenly, there was a need for protective gear and weaponry.  The eyes of self darted to and fro seeking a hiding place.  Self consciously, the Human sought refuge and the Human sought to avert the eyes of subjectivity.  How frightening to be seen with your clothes off.  Even God could not be trusted.  The Human no longer lived in the assurance of His perfect and fair judgments.  God may be as subjective as we.  So the Human sought refuge and the human sought to avert the eyes of subjectivity….
It is 6:45 AM as I write this blog.  When I have finished writing, I will engage my morning routine.  I will don a covering this morning.  I will form my hair, enhance my face and captivate my body in the best material way possible.  I will adjust my appearance to manipulate your visual experience.  I want you to see me a certain way.  I may even employ attitudes, ideas and intellect to present myself in a particular light.  Today, you may meet me or a replica of what I want you to see.  All because, as an average Human, I have become conscious of self.
Survival takes our breath away.  In this subjective world, we have to be extremely concerned about thought, opinions and judgments of others.  Our eyes have been redirected to inspect self rather than gazing upon the Holy One.  We are individuals concerned with preserving our image.  We have become individual preservationalists and survivalists.  “Everyone did what was right in his own eyes,” Judges 21:25.  It seems right, upon inspection of self, to protect myself against the many opinions of others…. .against the very judgments of God, even if that means turning all eyes towards the flesh and blood of another.  He caused this!  No, she caused this!  “The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me and I ate’,” Genesis 3:13.
Averting the eyes.  It is our great occupation in a fallen, subjective world.  Since I am conscious of my own vulnerability to fail, to fade and to die, I must desperately pursue survival.  I must struggle to avert your eyes and the eyes of God from my fallen nature.  There must be another human in the terrain on whom I can call attention.  The eyes of God and man.  There must be someone else I can expose and someone else I can blame.  
As I write this blog I think, what will be my occupation today?  We are, all of us, created the same as on that first Genesis day.  “…Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked shall I return…” Job 1:21.   Nothing has really changed except our eyes, our consciousness of self.  Will I merely survive in my self-consciousness or will I thrive in a consciousness of the Holy One?  Naked and unashamed?  Happy He sees and knows me?  Letting the Life of God support my failure, my fading and my dying?  Or will I defend, with sword and spear, this vulnerable flesh at the cost of another life?  Any life?

1 comment:

  1. I was just thinking something similar the other day, about how we are so judgmental of one another. That as children we have no fears of what others will think of us thus are willing to approach new peers with little to no fear of what the other will think if them. If only we could push past that as we age, and stop feeling so judged and to stop judging. Thanks for sharing as usual!

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